giovedì, dicembre 28, 2006

CARNET DE CULO Chapter 8 - The pursuit goes on

Il sospetto si era fatto strada rapidamente. Perchè la vedova dell'uomo più ricco della contea si era sbarazzata in pochi giorni di tutti i suoi beni?
John aveva bisogno di sapere ma anche, dopo il lungo viaggio, di radersi. Il barbiere dell'hotel, non appena ebbe sentito il nome di Gwendalyne Peacock, non si fece pregare e cominciò subito a spifferare un mucchio di storie curiose. La vedova non era una ragazza inesperta, come d'altra parte il suo grosso culo e le insistenti voci sulla scarsa moralità della madre lasciavano intendere.
"Cu’ è figghiu ’i jatta, surci ha’ pigghiari" pensò John, ripetendo un proverbio che lo zio Salvatore ripeteva spesso. Il barbiere, mentre lo stava insaponando, continuava il suo racconto felice di avere un ascoltatore attento.
Prima di sposare Tobia Peacock era stata la moglie e successivamente la vedova del figlio del Reverendo Higgins, uomo di poche parole ma di discreti mezzi finanziari. La sua famiglia era originaria di un sobborgo di Londra, da cui arrivavano delle buone rendite grazie alla locazione di un immobile d'epoca. Dopo la prematura scomparsa del giovane Higgins la grossa vedova non perse tempo e sposò in tempi vergognosamente rapidi il saggio (e ricco) Tobia Peacock che, come il suo predecessore, non durò a lungo. In tempi vergognosamente rapidi la giovane bivedova trasformò i beni del marito in denaro liquido e partì per Londra dove voci riferiscono che acquistò una piccola villa nei pressi della Tate Gallery...
Mentre il barbiere continuava a parlare John stava già pagando il conto dell'albergo. Quello che aveva sentito era più che sufficiente per farlo salire sulla Ka e partire per Londra. Avrebbe risparmiato del tempo se avesse avuto la pazienza di ascoltare quello che il barbiere aveva ancora da dire su Gwendalyne.

Imbocco la M1, passò di fianco all'aeroporto di Luton e dopo un cinquantina di chilometri entrò in Londra e si diresse verso Westminster, 3 ore e ventotto minuti dopo essere partito era davanti alla villa di Gwendalyne (l'unica in mezzo a decine di bassi condomini, a pochi metri dall'angolo posteriore sinistro della Tate). Il portiere in divisa da grande ammiraglio fu molto gentile, gli spiegò che la villa era ormai da tempo, da quando Lady Gwendalyne l'aveva venduta prima di sposarsi col giovane conte di Culloden upon Bigelow, un residence di lusso, abitato da parlamentari del nord del paese.
"Il Conte è ancora vivo?" chiese senza pensarci John.
"No" rispose laconicamente l'ammiraglio "il matrimonio gli è stato fatale."
"Non c'è due senza tre" pensò John, ricordando le bestemmie di suo padre quando riparando una macchina era convinto di avere risolto i primi due problemi e poi, ricordandosi di essere in Inghilterra aggiunse ad alta voce: "It never rains but it pours".
"Vivevano a Chelsea, in Dovehouse Street vicino alla Chiesa di San Luca, nella bella casa londinese del Conte, dove la vedova risiede ancora".
"La trivedova è mia!" pensò John "Questa volta non mi scappa." ma non sapeva ancora che a Londra c'era Lady Hinshelwood. E non sapeva ancora che Lady Hinshelwood aveva un progetto: favorire un'unione tra l'erede Gwendaline e Carnet, (Carnet dipendeva da lei) per rientrare in possesso di una grossa somma di denaro, oltre a terreni, fabbricati e certificati azionari, e forse anche della formula della Salsa.
Ma John avrebbe saputo tutto questo presto.

Nella sontuosa casa di Chelsea non c'era nessuno salvo la cuoca (originaria dell'isola di Islay gli dissero al Builder Arms, il pub di Britten Street situato proprio dietro la villa).
Fu sufficiente una bottiglia di Caol Ila per fare venire le lacrime agli occhi della cuoca e per farle spifferare tutto quello che sapeva, compresa la storia di Carnet, assistito e ricattato dalla vecchia astuta Lady Hinshelwood. Carnet Abitava in Bedford Square, di fianco al British Museum, e si muoveva abitualmente con una Bentley guidata dal suo autista.
Ci volle una mezz'ora per raggiungere la sua destinazione. Ormai era tardi, anche le luci natalizie dei negozi di elettronica di Tottenham Court Road erano ormai spente. Alcuni sensi vietati gli fecero perdere un po' di tempo ma poi, passando da Great Russel Street arrivò sotto casa di Carnet. La riconobbe perchè la Bentley era lì, con il motore acceso, autista al volante pronto per assecondare le richieste del suo padrone.
John proseguì per alcune decine di metri, fece inversione di marcia, si fermò e spense i fari. L'attesa durò poco.

14 Comments:

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dicembre 28, 2006  
Blogger Derek Contro Tutti said...

Ho postato il Chapter Two, The Reasons of the Ass, che illumina (parzialmente)alcuni aspetti della vicenda. Lady Gwendoline ha in mano una cosa che scotta...

Il Chapter Three non c'è. Lo mettiamo dopo, in forma di apocrifo?

dicembre 29, 2006  
Blogger Derek Contro Tutti said...

...e l'oggetto oblungo dalle fattezze di cannocchiale, ma con una estremità perfettamente arrotondata, non era in mano a Madame Shalikan?

dicembre 29, 2006  
Anonymous myr said...

bisogna tenere conto che la villa dove vive Madame Shalikan a Camberwell Green è di proprietà di gwendalyne higgins peacock culloden. Madame Shalikan probabilmente lo ha trovato lì e lo utilizza senza sapere che entrambi gli oggetti sono ricetrasmittenti, ideati e realizzati dal giovane Higgins per mezzo del corso per corrispondenza della Electra Radio School.

dicembre 29, 2006  
Blogger Derek Contro Tutti said...

Ah!

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